How to avoid being the 'default' parent

Running a business while raising a family is a balancing act—one that often feels like juggling glass balls while blindfolded. But for many women, there’s an added layer: being the ‘default’ parent. You know, the one who remembers the dentist appointments, signs the permission slips, sorts the birthday presents, and gets the urgent school calls—even while running a full-time business.

Sound familiar? You’re not alone.

Many female entrepreneurs find themselves caught between growing their business and carrying the mental load of family life. But just because society has conditioned us to take on this role doesn’t mean we have to accept it. Here’s how to avoid being the default parent so you can focus on your business without burning out.

1. Acknowledge the Mental Load (and That It’s Not Yours Alone)

The first step is recognising that being the default parent isn’t just about who spends the most time with the kids—it’s about who carries the mental responsibility of running the household. It’s remembering to pack the PE kit, knowing when the next childcare payment is due, and planning dinner even when you’re deep in work mode.

If this is you, take a step back and ask yourself: Am I doing all of this by default, or because I’ve taken it on without realising? Sometimes, we assume the role because we’ve been conditioned to, not because our partner or co-parent isn’t willing to step up.

2. Have the Hard Conversations

If you’re carrying the bulk of the parenting and household responsibilities on top of running your business, it’s time to talk. Have an open and honest conversation with your partner about what needs to change.

Instead of saying, “I need more help,” try: “I need us to split responsibilities more evenly because I can’t manage everything alone.”

Be specific. Instead of expecting them to just ‘help out,’ give clear tasks: school admin, meal planning, or bedtime routines. Share the responsibility, rather than delegating it—this isn’t about having an assistant, it’s about partnership.

3. Set Boundaries and Stick to Them

Just as you set boundaries in your business, you need them at home. If you’ve carved out work hours, respect them—don’t let the default parenting role creep in just because you’re technically ‘available.’

That means:

• If you’re working, your partner takes on school pick-up (if possible).

• If you have meetings, you’re not the one answering the “Mum, I’m hungry” calls.

• If your business is demanding, childcare is not just your problem to solve.

  
  

4. Let Go of the ‘Invisible Checklist’

You don’t have to do everything. Let that sink in.

If your partner or co-parent takes over school lunches, let them own it. If they forget the water bottle once or don’t cut the sandwiches how you would—so what? They will learn, just as you did. The more you micromanage, the more you reinforce the idea that these things are your job to manage.

5. Automate, Outsource, and Systemise

You’re already a business owner—you know the power of delegation. So why not apply it at home?

• Automate bills, groceries, and reminders.

• Outsource where possible—childcare, cleaning, meal prep.

• Systemise by creating a shared calendar for school events, activities, and logistics so the entire household is responsible, not just you.

  
  

6. Teach Your Kids Independence

Part of avoiding the default parent trap is not doing everything for your kids. Give them age-appropriate responsibilities—packing their own bags, setting their own alarms, making their own snacks. Not only does this lighten your load, but it also teaches them valuable life skills.

7. Redefine ‘Good Parenting’

You don’t have to be the one doing everything to be a good parent. You don’t have to be at every school event, make every meal from scratch, or be the one organising every birthday party.

Being a great parent doesn’t mean being the only parent. It means being present, but also showing your children that both parents (or caregivers) share the load. It means leading by example—demonstrating that your work also matters and that running a business doesn’t make you less of a parent.

Remember why you're doing it

You built your business because you wanted freedom, right? You wanted to design a life that worked for you. But if you’re still carrying the weight of being the default parent, you’re not truly free.

So take the first step—have the conversation, set the boundaries, and let go of the guilt. Your business needs you. And so do you.